Do you ever look at your kids and realize they live in a totally different reality than you did growing up? I do, all the time. There’s this bittersweet feeling I get when I think about how much easier my kids have it than I did. And to be clear: I love that they do. I love that they feel safe enough, carefree enough, and loved enough to ask me for some truly wild things; like a real unicorn or their very own Nintendo Switch.
Back in my day, I wouldn’t have even dared to ask for a second pair of shoes unless my old ones had holes in them.
Then vs. Now: Childhood Realities
We’re talking about requests for a real unicorn, a real pegasus, and the more grounded, but still ambitious, wish that each of them gets their own Nintendo Switch. (And hey, I know some families can afford three consoles, but we’re a one-console household. We share, and that’s okay!)
What gets me is that, even at their age, I knew what was off the table. I knew unicorns weren’t real and flying horses were fantasy. Gaming systems? Not even on my radar. I understood the struggle. I knew not to push because our family was doing everything just to make ends meet.
Building Gratitude Without Scarcity
And that experience? It shaped me. My frugal mindset, my sometimes overly intense reaction to overspending, my borderline obsession with budgeting and planning; it all stems from those early years. Yes, I’m imperfect, but I’ve grown to appreciate the way I operate (on most days).
If you’re a mom who’s trying to break the cycle but also raise kind, grounded humans, you’re not alone. (Here’s how I’m breaking the debt cycle again, if you need some solidarity.)
Even though my kids haven’t experienced the same kind of lack, I want them to grow up aware. I want them to recognize the value of what they have. I don’t want them stranded in a beat-up car that breaks down on Main Street during rush hour (been there, done that). But I do want them to carry gratitude for the blessings and opportunities that surround them, many of which they probably take for granted.
Finding the Balance (Even When They Order the Most Expensive Thing)
This is the balance I wrestle with every single day:
- How do I give my kids more than I had…
- …without raising entitled little monsters?
- How do I provide without guilt?
- How do I show gratitude without deprivation?
Some days, I feel like I’m doing great. I see them share. I hear them say “thank you” without being prompted. I watch them recognize that not every family has what we have.
But other days? Like when they ask to go out for breakfast, lunch, dinner, AND snacks… and then casually order the most expensive thing on the menu, I wonder what I’m missing. Where did I go wrong?
This tension is real. But I’ve found a few small ways to teach gratitude in a way that doesn’t feel like a lecture or a guilt trip.
3 Simple Ways I Teach My Kids Gratitude (Without Turning It Into a Suffering Olympics)
1. We Volunteer Together
Sometimes it’s at a local food pantry. Other times, serving at our local church or helping clean up a public area. But we do it together. My goal isn’t to make them feel sorry for anyone, it’s to help them understand that we’re all connected and that helping feels good.
2. I Tell Them Stories About My Childhood
I don’t give them the full trauma dump. And I definitely don’t do the “you don’t know how good you have it” speech. But I share real things in kid-appropriate ways. Like not growing up with air conditioner, or a family car. Or how excited I was to get a $1 burger on Tuesdays after 7pm. These stories help them connect the dots without feeling ashamed for what they do have.
If you’re trying to figure out how to talk about money with your kids, I shared more in this post on how we cut $200/month.
3. We Practice “Notice & Name” Gratitude
Every night (or in the car when I remember), I ask them to name one thing they were grateful for that day. Not just “my iPad” or “pizza,” but something meaningful. Like, “when my sister helped me with my homework” or “that you picked me up early.” It’s a quick, no-pressure way to build awareness of blessings and it teaches them to look for good things.
Final Thoughts: Teaching Gratitude Is Messy, But Worth It
I’m not aiming for perfection, and I’m not expecting my kids to be saints. But I do want them to see what they have, to feel grounded in reality, and to treat others with kindness.
And if that means some days we eat out and splurge a little, and other days we budget hard and say no to extras, that’s okay. That’s the balance I’m aiming for.
